Short Stop

The Incident:
A couple of weeks months ago, two of my friends and I went to The Short Stop to dance and celebrate their newly single life. As we danced near the DJ booth, we laughed off the many men repeatedly approaching said friends to 'dance', and we made it very clear that none of us were interested in dancing with strangers or even  being solicited by them. While one of my friends was dancing facing the wall, a strange man approached her from behind and tried to start grinding his crotch into her butt. I pinched the shoulder of the guy's jacket, spinning him around, and told him to stay away from her. He then called me a few names and expressed outrage that I would dare to touch his jacket, before scurrying back to his friends, who happened to be crowding the steps to the DJ booth. His friends immediately lined up and puffed up their chests, and I could tell they were debating whether or not to start a fight. Eventually, they stood down, and their ringleader decided to spend the rest of the evening barraging me with the usual set of misogynist and gender policing slurs, as well as occasionally trying to antagonize me by commenting on my friend's dancing. I was on edge, almost expecting them to follow us out to our car or somehow escalate the incident, for the rest of the night. And no, it didn't occur to me to notify the bouncers. I'm far too well versed in victim blaming to have any faith in the resolution of such events by authority figures.

The Breakdown:
...a strange man approached her from behind and tried to start grinding his crotch into her butt...
As I first noted at this same bar, there's a big difference in how men approach women while dancing and how women approach women while dancing. It's yet another manifestation of mainstream rape culture and the license (most) men feel they have to the bodies of women. As pandoradeloeste responded, "That element of asking for consent is totally missing..." when men approach women this way.

He then called me a few names and expressed outrage that I would dare to touch his jacket...
Of course, speaking on behalf of my friend makes me a totally evil bitch. How dare I get between a man and the women whose body he's clearly entitled to? And there's no contradiction whatsoever in his affront at the grave violation of his body that my grabbing his jacket entailed, and his entitlement to grope my friend without her preceding knowledge or consent. Also, I couldn't possibly be operating on the knowledge of a conversation I had with my friend immediately preceding our the night out about how unpleasant it is to be grabbed by strange guys, and how awful it makes an evening.

His friends immediately lined up and puffed up their chests, and I could tell they were debating whether or not to start a fight.
At this point, it was quite clear (and amusing to me) that these men were flabbergasted at the idea of a woman standing up to them. There is no doubt in my mind, at the time or now, that if I had been male, we would have been fighting in an instant. Of course, if I had been male, my friend would have been seen as my "property", and the original perpetrator would never have approached her. But watching them all bungle about, unsure of whether their male dominance routines should be enacted against a female acting in an aggressive ("male") manner immediately tickled my patriarchy-transgressing feminist sensibilities. It also kind of terrified me, of course, because physical violence, but I can take a punch.

...barraging me with the usual set of misogynist and gender policing slurs...
These were exactly the sorts of things we hear directed all the time at those who dare to blog while female. This man seemed to think that his opinions on my niceness, attractiveness, and general fuckability to the male population mattered to me, a common theme among many internet trolls. I realized at this point that I had to write this article, because there it was, all that ugliness I've read about, out IRL, actually being spoken instead of being hidden behind the (often anonymous) written word. Thankfully I've been engaged with the social justice community for long enough to know how worthless such hateful screeds are, instead of questioning myself and becoming overwhelmed by insecurity, as such tactics are designed to do.

...trying to antagonize me by commenting on my friend's dancing.
This was just dumb. He seemed to think that positioning my friend's attractiveness and amazing dancing talent against my ebil-hairy-feminist self would upset me; when all I really set out to do was make sure that she enjoyed herself, particularly by not being molested by random men.